Scars of a Hero
Somewhere near Kandahar, Afghanistan two squads of
rangers are on their way back to their F.O.B after a successful mission. “Just
two more weeks,” said Hernandez over the radio, “two more weeks and we’ll be
going home, eh Johnny.” John replied, “Yeah, just two more weeks.” “I can’t
wait to take some leave and go out to California to those sunny beaches and
meet some pretty ladies,” laughed Hernandez, “Anyways what are you gonna do
when you get back to the States Johnny?” “Probably just go back to Bragg,”
Answered John. “Just as lame as ever Johnny, I’ll drag you out to Cali with me,
what would you do without me,” replied Hernandez. John smiled, he was glad that Hernandez was on
this deployment with him, he was his closest friend and he helped him pass the
time faster. John looked up from the floor of his HMMVW and looked at the lead
vehicle that Hernandez was in, and before his very eyes he saw the vehicle
burst into flames as it had detonated an IED.
John sprung out of a sound sleep, gasping for air. He
looked around and realized he was in his room back in the States. “It seemed so
real,” he thought to himself. “It’s been six years since I left the Army.” John
looked down at his hands, it had been for two weeks straight now that he had
been having this dreams, John started to cry and he couldn’t stop. He didn’t
know what he was crying; he didn’t understand why he was having these dreams
now after so long. It was only three o’clock in the morning; he had to be at
work in four hours.
John took a few hours before he feel back asleep for a
few hours. When he woke up he almost forgot about the dream he had, he went on
with his normal routine for the morning. He went to the bathroom washed his
face and shaved, something he was very accustomed to doing every morning since
he joined the Army. John went out to go to work, if there was one thing that
John cared about most it was his car, a black 66’ mustang, it was the thing to
help him escape the pain of loneliness and the pain of loss. He got in his car
and smiled, at least he was still capable of smiling, he thought.
John worked as a security guard at the front gates of
Fort Bragg. Although he had left the army, he could never get away from the
place he called home for eight years of his life. He was attached to the place,
not wanting to leave. All day he would stand there and check ID’s of visitors,
family members of troops, and the soldiers themselves. Every time he looked at
the face of a soldier he always saw himself. John had met and started dating
his girlfriend who was also a security guard like John was. They would always
go to lunch together, and today was no different.
“Did you get any sleep last night John?” asked Emily. “I
got a few hours,” replied John, “I had another one of my dreams.” “How many
times have I told you that you should go see a therapist or someone who can
help you John,” said Emily. “Plenty of times,” he answered, “I think you’re
right, I should go see someone about it.” “Good, I looked around some and I
found a Doctor who specializes with helping with your type of problem, here is
his number,” Emily gave John Dr. Jones’s business card, “please give him a
call.” “Okay, I’ll give him a call when I get home,” he said. Emily smiled,
then she leaned over and kissed him on the cheek and said, “I love you John.”
He smiled in return and kissed her on the lips and replied, “I love you too.”
The day went on as usual until it was time for him to go
home. He got into his car and drove home, when he got home he sighed, he wanted
to ask Emily to marry him that day, but he couldn’t do it. He had too much on
his mind, he looked at the card that Emily had given him. “Dr. Jones, huh,” he
said to himself, “let’s give him a call.” He dialed and number and it rang
three times before someone picked up. “Dr. Jones speaking, how can I help you?”
answered the man on the phone. “Um, yes this is John Smith, I been having some
bad PTSD lately for the past two weeks, I was wondering if I could set up an
appointment,” John said. Dr. Jones replied, “Ah yes, I have an open slot
tomorrow around ten a.m. if that works for you.” “Sounds good to me, I’ll be
there,” said John.
The rest of the day past on as what seemed days to John;
when he was in bed attempting to sleep, he just laid there awake. He was tired,
but he couldn’t sleep, too much on his mind, he stared at the ceiling into
emptiness. Hours went by as he just lay there. John snapped too when his alarm
clock went off, he rolled over and looked at his clock. John got up and turned
off his clock; he walked into his bathroom, washed his face and shaved as his
normal morning routine. John had nothing on his mind; his body was just doing
what it was accustomed to doing for the past twelve years every morning. It was
another three hours before he had to leave for his appointment with Dr. Jones.
Even though his apartment was spotless, John decided to clean it again anyways.
Afterwards he washed his car and cleaned it he usually did this on the
weekends, but he had a few hours and he enjoyed cleaning his car. Nine o’clock
came and it was time for John to go to his appointment.
John showed up to his appointment half an hour early, he
hated being late, something that was drilled into him from basic training. “Name
please,” said the secretary. “Smith, John,” he replied. “I will let you know
when you can go in to see the doctor,” she announced. John thanked her and took
a seat in the waiting area. The next twenty minutes seemed to be hours as John
sat there, he was nervous. He was nervous because he was unsure about what was
going to happen. He thought to himself, “I’d rather get shot at, it’s more
predictable.” John laughed at himself; he missed his friends which he would
joke around with. He went back to a blank expression of no emotion. “You may
see Dr. Jones now,” said the secretary. John stood and nodded. He went to the
door of the doctor’s office and knocked. “Come in,” said Dr. Jones. John
entered the room and stood at attention, something out of habit. “Well, have a seat
and relax,” John had a seat but he was still tense, he was reluctant to relax.
Dr. Jones noticed that he was still tense and took note. “So John, tell me what
has been bothering you.” John replied, “Well, I have felt empty, I have been
having this dreams of events in my past, mainly of my time with my battle
buddy, Hernandez, in Afghanistan.” “I see, tell me about Hernandez, don’t
worry, this conversation is just between you and me,” said Dr. Jones. “Well, he’s
been my battle buddy since ranger school, after we graduated from ranger school;
we were both stationed in the same unit in Bragg, and were deployed together,” said
John. John looked around the room, usually he would check a room before he
entered it, but the office reminded him of his dad’s old office. There were
medals and awards around his office, it was obvious that Dr. Jones was prior
service and had been in Vietnam for at least ten years. John finally relaxed;
he knew that the doctor was someone like him, someone who had his own battle
scars. He decided that he was going to open up to the doctor, because he
trusted the doctor. Dr. Jones read John’s body language and noticed the change
in his attitude and emotion, he smiled. “So, can you tell me about what
happened to you and Hernandez in Afghanistan?” asked Dr. Jones. John paused; he
looked down and thought about what to say first. “Well, we were young, and we
were rangers. We were excited at the chance to serve our country and to kill
the bastards who took the lives of our fellow countrymen. When we got there I
was happy, I had a blast, we got in a few firefights, but I didn’t ever think
about the men we were shooting back at, it was as if a switch clicked somewhere
in my head.” John paused for a while and thought some more, Dr. Jones waited patiently
for him to continue. “It was like that for four months, we’d get in a firefight
almost every day. Then it got quiet, we would go on our convoys and patrols and
see nothing, it was like that for a week, when we were in a local village. It
was strange usually everyone was out on the streets and at the bazaars, but
today the village was empty, it was eerie. We got to the center and what we saw
there was disturbing,” said John. “John, you can tell me what you saw,” Dr.
Jones said. “We found the villagers, their bodies were scattered across the
ground, all of them dead. On this patrol was just my squad of eight men,
Hernandez was in second squad so he wasn’t with us on this mission. I had one
of my men report to HQ what we were seeing. At that point I heard shuffling
behind us, I spun around and pulled up my rifle to the ready position and fired
three shots…” John paused, “it was a little boy, around the age of seven, and
he had explosives tapped to his chest. After my shots were fired, all hell
broke loose; we heard incoming mortars and small arms fire. One of my men was
killed and two wounded, the rest of us managed to escape to an alleyway. We
called for reinforcements, a MEDIVAC, and air support. Five of my men were
killed and the other two were wounded that day.” Dr. Jones responded and said, “And
how are you dealing with that incident John?” John answered, “I have one
hundred and twenty confirmed kills, and the only one that disturbs me is the
little boy.” “You know, if you hadn’t shot that boy, he would have killed you
and all of your men would have died that day, you saved those two wounded men’s
lives, that’s the most important part of being in charge of those men, making
sure of their survival,” said Dr. Jones. “I know,” replied John. John always
knew that, but he had to hear someone to say it to realize that he had done the
right thing; he accepted what he had done. He thought of the men that he had saved;
because of his actions he was able to prevent all of his men from dying. John
remembered what he learned in warrior leadership class, that he had the responsibility
of putting his soldiers first, before himself, and he had performed it that
day. “Well, I have another appointment, how about we meet next week at the same
time?” asked Dr. Jones. “That sounds good,” replied John.
John continued going to see Dr. Jones every week for the
next five years. John was holding much more stories and suppressing emotions
than the one he told Dr. Jones on the first day. He told Dr. Jones about his
father committing suicide after his many special ops missions. He told Dr.
Jones about the death of Hernandez, and how he always blamed himself for his
death. It took John five years to become sane, he married Emily two years after
he started seeing Dr. Jones, he could never tell her about what happened to him.
He dealt with his scars for the rest of his life, alone.
The
end.
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